How to Control Obesity Before It Controls You: 13, October 2025 | Guruji’s Daily, Breaking, Trending, Comedy & Happiness! -News

🤣 Guruji’s Global Comedy Bulletin! 🌍

😂 | Modi–Trump Friendship, Kerala Snakebites, Pakistan Fumes & Silver-Haired Superstars!”

🤣 “Mind Open, Mouth Laughing!” Edition 😄📰

🕉️ “When politics mixes with popcorn, even meditation gets spicy!” 🍿😜

🧘‍♂️ 1️⃣ Modi & Trump: The ‘Gaza Gala’ Duo 🇮🇳🤝🇺🇸

Guruji says: “Modiji praises Trump’s Gaza plan again! Looks like international friendship has turned into a full-season Netflix series — ‘Two Leaders & a Peace Plan!’ 🎬😂”

🐍 2️⃣ Kerala Makes Snakebites a Health Priority 🏥🐍

“Kerala says no more venom drama! 🐍 Even the snakes are applying for Aadhaar cards now — ‘so that hospitals can identify them properly!’ 🤣📜”

💣 3️⃣ Pakistan Fumes as Taliban Backs India 🇮🇳🔥

“Pakistan shouting, Taliban supporting India — Guruji confused! 😵 Next what? Maybe aliens will apply for Indian citizenship! 👽📄”

👴 4️⃣ Age Just a Number, Silver Streaks Still Zooming 🚴‍♀️✨

“Guruji saw one 80-year-old uncle doing yoga like a rubber band! 😆 Moral: Age is just a number, but joint pain is still real! 💪😂”

💼 5️⃣ Centre Has No Plan to Raise ‘Creamy Layer’ Cap 🥛💰

“Guruji says — no creamy layer increase means the paneer class is still stuck in the middle! 🧀🤣 Time to meditate, not calculate!”

💬 6️⃣ When the Shoe Fits... 👞💓

“When the shoe fits, foot forgotten; when the belt fits, belly forgotten; when the heart fits, enemies forgotten! 😄 Guruji says — forget Fitbit, fit your attitude first! 🧘‍♂️💪”

🌏 7️⃣ India Among Best Places to Deploy Capital 💸🌟

“Torbjorn Caesar says India is the best place to invest! Guruji says — please deploy some capital in Guruji’s ashram also! I’ll give 200% laughter return! 😂📈”

😈 8️⃣ Akhilesh Says: ‘Infiltrator’ UP CM Should Go Back! 🏔️😅

“Guruji says — these leaders are changing states faster than cricketers change jerseys! 🏏👕 Soon, there’ll be an IPL for politicians — ‘Indian Political League!’ 🤣🏆”

🎓 9️⃣ UK PM Invites Indian Talent 🇬🇧📚

“British PM Starmer says ‘Indians welcome!’ Guruji says — after Trump’s visa rules, Indians are ready to study even on Mars! 🚀📘”

🩺 🔟 90% Indians Ready to Pay More for Certified Healthcare 💊💰

“Guruji says — Indians will pay extra for certified healthcare but still ask a pharmacist for free advice and cough syrup! 😂💉”

🏨 11️⃣ Travel & Hotels Booming Before Diwali ✈️🎆

“Guruji warns — before booking a hotel, check if they provide ‘mosquito-free meditation zone!’ 🦟🧘‍♂️🤣”

🕰️ 12 Guruji Wisdom Corner 🧘‍♂️💫

“Time flows — no one can stop it ⏳ So stop scrolling reels and start rolling your destiny! 📱➡️🧘‍♂️”

“Real happiness comes from within — not from Wi-Fi signal or wealth! 💖💸”

😄 🌺 GURUJI’S FINAL BLESSING:

“Keep your heart light, your laughter loud, and your phone charged — because even enlightenment needs notifications! 🔔🤣📿”

How to Control Obesity Before It Controls You?

😅 1. Guruji’s Warning: “Your Stomach Is Not a Storage Unit!”

My dear rasgulla warriors 🍩—remember, your tummy is not a warehouse for leftover biryani! 😆

When your plate says “enough,” but your heart says “just one more,” that’s not love… that’s self-sabotage in curry flavour!

Before eating, ask yourself: “Am I hungry or just bored?”

If the answer is “bored,” then go chew a carrot 🥕… or better, chew on your life decisions! 😜

🏃‍♀️ 2. Move That Body Before It Files a Complaint!

Guruji says, “Exercise is not punishment. It’s how you remind your body that you’re still alive!” 😆

You don’t need to run a marathon. Just chase your auto before it leaves 🚗💨 or dance when mosquitoes attack! 🕺

Laugh loudly for 5 mins — it burns calories and confuses your neighbours! 😂

🍭 3. Sugar: The Sweet Serial Killer 😈

Guruji declares — sugar is like that charming ex. Sweet, irresistible, and completely bad for your system! 😏

Every spoonful whispers, “Just one more,” until your jeans shout, “No more!” 😩

Replace sweets with fruits 🍎 — nature’s candy that doesn’t need insulin’s permission!

🧂 4. Control Portion, Not Emotion

Guruji says, “Learn to stop when full. Even your car stops at the fuel limit!” 🚗

Emotional eating never solved heartbreak — only expanded waistline! 💔➡️🍰

If you’re sad, call a friend.

If you’re angry, go for a walk.

If you’re bored, come listen to Guruji — calories of laughter guaranteed! 😄

🥗 5. Make Food Your Friend, Not Boss!

Food is meant to give energy, not identity!

Don’t say “I’m a foodie” — say “I’m a fit-die!” 💪🤣

Control obesity before it starts, controlling your buttons, belts, and blood pressure! 😅

You don’t have to be thin like a breadstick — just be fit, fun, and full of life (not fat)!

💬 Guruji’s Mantra of the Day:

“Eat with your brain, move with your legs, and laugh with your heart — obesity will pack up and leave!” 😎❤️

Choose Happiness Today And Every Day

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️

📢 "Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!" 💥🎉

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Yours,

📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi -  KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢

😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️

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