GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

I’m your Guruji – here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour!

👓 Read it. 😂 Laugh it. 🗣️ Share it.! 🌶️📺

"Choose happiness today and every day" 😄

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️

🗞️ Truth bombs wrapped in laughter! 🎤😂

1️⃣ 🇺🇸 “Follow rules or be deported,” US warns
✈️Guruji says: “Breaking US laws? One-way ticket to Bye-Bye-istan! 😅 Obey ya vacay… to your own country! 🧳🕺”

2️⃣ 🚗 Audi hits 5 sleeping on city pavement
Guruji: “When luxury cars go rogue, even dreams get crushed! 😴➡️💥 From sleep mode to hospital mode in 0.5 seconds! 🚑💤”

3️⃣ 🧑‍⚖️ ‘Became CJI as someone saw something in me’
Guruji: “CJI sir, they saw justice, we saw mystery. Who was this talent scout—God or HR manager? 😇🔍📜”

4️⃣ 🌍 Nations with worse rights records target India: Justice Kant
Guruji: “When human rights violators start giving gyan on human rights—irony just filed a complaint! 📢🧾🙄”

5️⃣ 🇺🇸 More people who probed Trump lose jobs
Guruji: “Trump effect: Investigate him and your job gets a Trump card—fired! 🔥💼🎯”

6️⃣ 💰US customs duties cross $100bn in a financial year
Guruji: “Uncle Sam’s tax meter is like a desi auto meter—always ticking up! 💸📈💵 ‘Duty’ has become ‘Looty’ 😝”

7️⃣ 🇵🇰 Pak PM says Army chief never sought presidency
Guruji: “In Pakistan, army chief doesn’t seek presidency... because it automatically comes with the uniform! 🎖️👑🤣”

8️⃣ 📚 Clean is cool: What you read is what you eat
Guruji: “Read garbage = eat garbage! 🗞️➡️🍲 Better read Guruji daily—comedy full meals guaranteed! 😋🤣📖”

9️⃣ 🛕 CM Yogi: Religious conversions a deep conspiracy
Guruji: “Some convert to Wi-Fi, some to new religion. But Yogi Ji says: ‘No network switching allowed here!’ 📶🙏⚠️”

🔟 🎭 Opposition raps Amit Shah, BJP says propaganda busted
Guruji: “This is not politics, it’s Netflix drama—‘Desh ki Politics: Season 2024’! 🎬🔥💥”

1️⃣1️⃣ 🤝 US, India talk trade deal to cut tariff below 20%
Guruji: “Tariff down, love up! ❤️ Uncle Sam and Bharat Mata doing ‘Give & Take’ yoga! 🧘‍♂️💼📦”

😄📿 Guruji’s Comedy Wisdom Thoughts — Powered by Laughter & Ladoo Logic 🍬🧠

1️⃣ "Don’t chase success like your ex... It’ll run faster!" 🏃‍♂️💔💼
👉 Sit calm. Meditate. Success has GPS—It’ll find you if you're still. 😌📍

2️⃣ "Mind is like Kitchen.. cleal it daily or it stinks!" 🧠🩲🤢
👉 Update thoughts, not just WhatsApp status!

3️⃣ "Don’t take life too seriously... Even God watches us like a reality show!" 🎥😂📺
👉 Be the TRP booster, not the crying contestant!

4️⃣ "Love is blind... but marriage is the eye-opener!" 👀💘😵
👉 Want peace? Get a headphone and a hobby, not a fight!

5️⃣ "Sleeping well is a spiritual achievement in this Wi-Fi world!" 😴📱🔌
👉 Put phone on airplane mode. Your soul needs to recharge too!

6️⃣ "If you want to fly, first throw away your log kya kahenge luggage!" 🎒🕊️
👉 Carry confidence, not people’s opinions!

7️⃣ "Anger is like pressure cooker... whistle maar diya toh sab bhag gaya!" 😡🥵🍲
👉 Be cool like fridge. Store peace, not grudge!

8️⃣ "Mobile has screen lock, heart should have too!" 🔐💓📵
👉 Don’t open your feelings for every wrong number!

9️⃣ "Happiness is free... but we search it in 5-star hotels!" 🏨😂
👉 Go hug your pet, not your credit card bill!

🔟 "Guruji’s Golden Rule: Laugh more than your neighbour, earn more than your weight!" 💸😆🏋️
👉 And yes, fart silently—wisdom and respect both grow!

💥 Stay tuned… stay smiling… stay semi-wise! 😁🧠✨

📢 "Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!" 💥🎉

👉Amazinglifeblog.com! 😂📿 ✨😎 📰🤣 🧘‍♂️

Yours,

📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️