GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN with GURUJI’S COMEDY VIBES

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

I’m your Guruji – here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour!

👓 Read it. 😂 Laugh it. 🗣️ Share it.! 🌶️📺

"Choose happiness today and every day" 😄

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️

 

🎙️Guruji’s Desi Comedy Bulletin – Straight from the Parliament Circus! 🛕🎭🇮🇳
Served hot with punchlines and emojis… Parliament popcorn ready? 🍿

🗿 “Chola Kings’ statues will be installed in TN: Modi” 📲💥

➡️ Guruji: The Cholas are back with royal swag! 🕺 First statues, next — historical soap opera? “The Return of King Chola: A Statue’s Tale!” 📺🛕🍿

🔥 Parliament set for fiery debate on Operation Sindoor
➡️ Guruji: This week Parliament = Bigg Boss house – “Nominate them, expose them, mute their mic!” 🎤🔥🧨

💪 “New self-confidence in India post Op Sindoor,” says PM
➡️ Guruji: After Operation Sindoor, India walks like Virat Kohli in sunglasses – full attitude mode 😎💥

📉 “Bihar’s draft poll roll may exclude 66L names: EC”
➡️ Guruji: Election list doing a breakup: “Sorry, darling, it’s not you… it’s me — the Election Commission!” 😢🗳️✂️

🏚️ “Insensitivity towards poor’: Rahul targets BJP over demolitions in city”
➡️ Guruji: Poor people’s homes disappearing faster than Rahul Gandhi’s mic time in Parliament! 🎤🏚️😓

🤐 “Tharoor unlikely to speak on Pahalgam attack, Op Sindoor in LS”
➡️ Guruji: If Shashi Tharoor stays quiet, Parliament's English rating drops by 70%! 📉📚💔

🛕 “Chola dynasty shining example of our historical, cultural legacy”
➡️ Guruji: Cholas ruled with style – royal crown, mighty sword, and sandal-scented swag! 👑⚔️🌸

🏰 “Forts enduring symbols of cultural pride,” says Modi
➡️ Guruji: India’s forts are stronger than the Wi-Fi at government guest houses! 🏰📶😂

♟️ “India is perfectly poised to host a women’s chess revolution”
➡️ Guruji: Queens are now checkmating kings — both on the board and in real life! 👑♟️💃 #GameOfThronesDesiStyle

🤝 “India cautious as US deals with Japan, others unravel”
➡️ Guruji: World friendship update: Status = It’s complicated! 🌍💔🤷

🚩 “Let’s fight for Maharashtra: Rahul to Uddhav”
➡️ Guruji: Sounds like the Avengers: Maharashtra Edition! “Infinity Valley” releasing soon! 🎬🦸‍♂️🚩

🧠 “Opposition to flag intel lapses, Trump role, brace for patriotic counter”
➡️ Guruji: Drama alert! Opposition vs Ruling Party = Desi Sherlock Holmes vs Nationalist Superheroes! 🕵️‍♂️🇮🇳🧨

💣 “India proved terror has no safe haven: PM”
➡️ Guruji: Terrorists now searching Google: “Plan B country with poor GPS tracking” 📍😨💻

🔗 “Need better coordination on new threats: Shah”
➡️ Guruji: Yes sir, we need better coordination — also in public toilet lines and metro exits! 🚻😅

🧳 “No more Toolkit, just Suitkit!”
➡️ Guruji: The upgrade is real – no more Google Docs protest plans… now it’s “suit up, show up, stay shut!” 🧰➡️🧳💼😎

⚖️ “Delhi High Court to hear Predicate Offence matter today”
➡️ Guruji: Predicate Offence? Sounds like someone committed a grammar crime! Arrest that punctuation mark!! ✍️🚔🔍

📢 Guruji’s Thought of the Day: 📲💥

“Parliament gives us drama, media gives us masala… but only Guruji gives pure, unfiltered laughter-lassi with emoji topping!” 😂🛕🥤

🎭 🌞 Welcome to Guruji's Comedy Court in the Ashram 🌞
Where even mosquitoes forget to bite... because they're busy laughing! 😂🦟

👑 [Guruji Enters Stage in Orange Robe, Holding TV Remote Instead of Prayer Beads]

🎤 Guruji:
"Welcome to my ashram, where peace is mandatory and seriousness is strictly banned! 😎
If you're looking for salvation... please wait in the queue. But if you're here for fun, congratulations—you've got a VIP pass! 😜"

🎬 Episode 1: Meditation Misadventures 🧘‍♂️

One disciple asked:
"Guruji, while meditating, I keep thinking about biryani... what to do?" 🤤🍛

👳‍♂️ Guruji:
"Dear devotee, you’re not meditating... you're marinating! 🥘 Sit straight, close your eyes, and focus on the universe... not your lunch menu!" 🌌🍴

🎬 Episode 2: Devotion vs Installments 💸

Devotee:
"Guruji, I want to leave everything and come live in the ashram!"

Guruji:
"Very noble. But please leave your loan installments, credit card bills, and mother-in-law dramas at the gate, okay?
Ashram is not a hiding place... it’s a Wi-Fi-free reality show!" 📺🚪

🎬 Episode 3: Love Guruji Edition 💘

One uncle asked:
"Guruji, my wife always wins arguments... is there any mantra to win?" 🧓👵

Guruji:
"Yes, a very ancient and powerful mantra:
‘Yes dear, you are right.’ Repeat it daily and your home will be as peaceful as an online shopping cart during midnight sale!" 🎆🛒

🎬 Episode 4: Yoga Tragedy 🧎‍♂️

Devotee:
"Guruji, I did 15 minutes of yoga and now my whole body hurts!"

Guruji:
"That’s not yoga, dear... you had a wrestling match with your furniture! Next time, stretch your body—not your imagination!" 🪑🤕

🎬 Episode 5: Guruji’s Wisdom Pills 💊

🧠 "Guruji, life is full of tension!"

Guruji:
"Tension is like Wi-Fi... it only connects when you're sitting in the wrong places!
Come to the ashram—we offer Laughter Yoga + Tea Therapy + Gossip Detox! ☕😂🧘"

🎊 Final Blessing from Guruji 🙏

"May your worries be lighter than a potato chip,
May your happiness be spicier than a samosa,
And may your mood swing only on a hammock—not on people!" 🤗🌴

📢 Every weekend – Guruji’s Comedy Court LIVE in the Ashram! Entry is free, but laughter is mandatory! 😂🎟️

📣 Guruji’s Darbar will never run out of content! 😂👑

👉enjoyhumour.blogspot.com 😇📢

👉amazinglifeblog.com! 😂📿 ✨😎 📰🤣 🧘‍♂️

Yours,

📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️