GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN with GURUJI’S MEDITATION TIPS

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

I’m your Guruji – here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour!

👓 Read it. 😂 Laugh it. 🗣️ Share it.! 🌶️📺

"Choose happiness today and every day" 😄

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️

🎤 Guruji Comedy News Darbar – Today’s Tamasha with Global Tadka! 🌍🎪

🧳 India-UK Trade Deal has a Message for Trump
📦 Trump ji, India and UK are busy unboxing their trade gift… You can keep tweeting in CAPS! 😂📢🇮🇳🇬🇧

🎫 India resumes tourist visas to Chinese
🥟 Welcome back, China! But this time, bring noodles, not border drama! 🍜🚫🏔️

📃 FTA with India will be signed today: UK govt
🖊️ UK said “I Do”! India said “Finally!” Modi ji already planning honeymoon in London! 💃💂‍♂️💍

🔁 Tejashwi slams rolls revision, says poll boycott an option
🗳️ Arrey bhai, if boycott is the only strategy left, even EVMs need a vacation! 💤🖥️🙈

📊 K’taka plans 2nd caste census after cabinet junked 1st report
🗃️ Census game in Karnataka: Try, try again till you get the result you want! 🧩🕵️‍♂️📋

🌊 Bonhomie after Hostility: Wind in Male seems to favour Delhi
🌬️ From stormy seas to bromance breeze—India-Maldives now singing “Let it go!” 🎵🏖️🤝

🤖 Teens turning to AI for advice, friendship, to ‘get out of thinking’
🧠 AI is new BFF—no judgement, no homework, only memes and motivation! 📱💬🧸

💼 Zelensky faces backlash over new anti-graft law
⚖️ Corruption ko thoda bhi touch kiya toh Ukraine politicians shouting: “Koi naa dekhe hamari leela!” 🎭🚨

💪 Getting Future Fit, Tata Tripled Profit in 5 Years
🚘 Tata to profits: “Catch me if you can!” Investors doing bhangra in stock market! 💃📈💰

🔎 CBDT to Use Tech to Catch Tax Evaders
📡 Tech will find your secret Swiss dreams! No more “kaala dhan under mattress”! 🛏️💸🚔

🌐 Digital Wallet Payments must Flow beyond Borders
📲 UPI is going global! Soon even aliens might PayTM us for pani puri! 👽💵🌍

🚫 Lok Sabha Still Paused Over Roll Revision Protest
🎮 Democracy on pause... remote control missing… someone please press ‘Resume’! ⏸️🎛️🧓

🏛️ Rajya Sabha Adjourned for 3rd Day Without Any Work
🪑 House of Elders turned into House of Nappers. Even Parliament WiFi got bored! 💤📶🍵

🤣 Stay tuned with Guruji, where every news is a laugh-a-thon! 🎤🇮🇳💥
🧘‍♂️ “Politics may pause… but punchlines must flow!” 💬😎

Want more? Say “Jai Ho, Guruji!” and I’ll be back tomorrow morning! 🌅📢

🤣🧘‍♂️ GURUJI’S COMEDY MEDITATION TIPS – Because even your brain needs Wi-Fi disconnection sometimes! 😜📴

🌼 1. Sit Like a Sadhu, Not a Slouch!
Back straight like government rules 📜, not like your mobile bill 😂.
Bonus Tip: Don’t lie down – meditation, not invitation to sleep! 😴🛏️

🧘‍♂️ 2. Close Your Eyes… But Don’t Open YouTube in Your Mind!
No grocery list, no ex, no “What if I was a Bollywood star?” fantasies 🎥💃
Just… Breathe. Not like a buffalo 😮‍💨 but like a Zen mosquito 🦟✨

🍃 3. Focus on Breath – In, Out, In, Out…
If brain says “Pizza! Salary! Neighbour’s car!”
Just say: “Shhh beta, Guruji is buffering inner peace now” 😌🔕

🙉 4. Let Thoughts Come and Go Like Indian Relatives
They’ll enter without knocking 🚪,
Just smile and say, “Acha, acha… Bye!” 👋😂

🔕 5. Silence is Golden… Unless You’re in Chennai with Autos Honking
Find a quiet place…
If impossible, just meditate on accepting chaos 🤷‍♂️🕉️

🕰️ 6. Start With 5 Minutes – Not 5 Hours Like Himalayan Yogis!
Even your smartphone needs time to charge...
Your brain battery also deserves me-time 🔋🙏

🤣 7. If You Fart During Meditation… Just Say It’s the Wind of Enlightenment! 💨🪷
No shame, only salvation 😇

🌟 Final Guruji Gyaan:
Don’t expect instant Nirvana.
Even Maggi takes 2 minutes! 🍜🧠

🛎️ Chant with Guruji Before You Start:
“Ommmm My God, What a Life!” 😂🕉️

📣 Guruji’s Darbar will never run out of content! 😂👑

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Yours,

📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️