Choose happiness today and every day

GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN

 

😎 🧙‍♂️😂 GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN & India’s Super News Show!” 😎 Funny Headlines ! 🎭 English Masala Edition 🌶️

 

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

I’m your Guruji – here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour! 😄

👓 Read it. 😂 Laugh it. 🗣️ Share it. 🌶️📺

🧠😂"Choose happiness today and every day" 🎭📢

 

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️

 

🎭 Modi 3.0 at 11 is looking stronger than ever

Guruji sez: “Modi 3.0 at eleven? That’s not a version… it’s upgrading like your Android update—fast, flawless, and can’t be paused! 💪🚀”

 

🚩 Annamalai’s the most influential BJP leader that Tamil Nadu has ever seen!

Guruji sez: “Annamalai? He’s like the filter-wearing superstar of BJP—so influential, even his filter precedes him into meetings! ✨😎”

 

🗳️ BJP will form government in Bengal, Tamil Nadu: Amit Shah’s power play in Madurai

Guruji sez: “Amit Shah in Madurai? That’s not power play, that’s a full cricket innings – and he’s batting for a clean sweep! 🏏💼”

 

💸 Amit Shah claims Rs 450 crore nutrition kits scam by DMK government

Guruji sez: “450 Crore scam? That DMK kitchen must be cooking notes like samosas—too much dough, not enough filling! 🧾😆”

 

🏗️ Alleges Rs 4,600 crore sand mining scam by MK Stalin government hurting poor

Guruji sez: “4,600 Crore sand mine scam? Stalin’s regime digging profits deeper than a beach party hole—no sunscreen needed! 🏖️💰”

 

🗳️ BJP vows to form government in Tamil Nadu and West Bengal in 2026

Guruji sez: “BJP’s 2026 plan is like setting a Navaratri goal—nine long years to dance into both states! 🕺🎉”

 

🏙️ I live in Delhi, but my ears are always on Tamil Nadu: Amit Shah

Guruji sez: “Amit Shah’s ears in TN? Delhi called—they want their headphones back! 🎧😉”

 

♟️ Norway Chess 2025 winner Magnus Carlsen says ‘none of them are ready to take over’ on Gukesh, Arjun, Pragg or Aravindh

Guruji sez: “Carlsen says no one’s ready? That’s like the world saying: ‘Try ordering Gukesh’s coffee on Chess Street… he’ll checkmate you in seconds!’ ☕♜”

 

📉 Tesla’s stock fell over 14% due to tensions surrounding a disagreement over the U.S. president’s budget bill.

Guruji sez: “Tesla’s stock dropped 14%? That’s Elon’s wallet asking, ‘Budget—or bust?’ 💸😬”

 

🤖 Sundar Pichai says Google’s next CEO will have an extraordinary AI Companion

Guruji sez: “Extraordinary AI Companion? Great, I need someone to remind me where I left my spectacles every morning! 🤖👓”

 

💼 Gautam Adani draws Rs 10.41 cr pay in FY25, lags behind peers

Guruji sez: “Adani’s 10 crore salary lagging? He’s like the runner-up in a billionaire race—still broke in admiration, not credit! ₹💵”

 

🛩️ I‑STAR: India’s eyes in the sky? IAF set to get Rs 10,000 crore indigenous spy planes

Guruji sez: “10,000 Crore spy planes? India’s saying ‘Catch you later, Elon!’—drones are so last season! 🛫🌟”

 

🎯 Experts suggest Modi's leadership remains dominant, with no clear alternative in sight

Guruji sez: “Modi’s dominance? It’s like Monopoly—no one’s passing GO or collecting ₹200 anytime soon! 🎲🏆”

 

🌍 UK foreign secretary supports India's fight against cross-border terrorism

Guruji sez: “UK secretary backing India? That’s two futbol teams suddenly cheering for one goal—solidarity with style! ⚽🤝”

 

🛍️ India remains key strategic market for global brands: Myntra CEO Sinha

Guruji sez: “Global brands love India like kids love laddoos—sweet, unlimited, and never ending! 🍬🌏”

 

🚗 7‑seater models riding high on boost from Indian families

Guruji sez: “7‑seaters are booming? Big families need bigger Bollywood-family‑size vehicles—chai for 8 on board! ☕🚙”

 

🏘️ Real estate sector anticipates surge in housing demand after RBI's rate cut

Guruji sez: “RBI cuts rates—housing demand spikes. It’s like phone data being free—everyone’s suddenly online in home‑buying mode! 💰🏠”

 

🇮🇳 India has been elected to the Economic and Social Council (ECOSOC) of the United Nations for 2026‑28

Guruji sez: “India on ECOSOC? That’s like being invited to the UN’s secret VIP club—Namaste, global! 🌐🙌”

 

♟️ For the first time in history, four Indians are in the top 10 chess rankings.

Guruji sez: “Four Indians in top 10 chess? Chessboard ka ultimate dhoom—time for Carlsen to bring his popcorn! 🍿♞”

🧘‍♂️ 😎 🤓 🧙‍♂️😂😜 🤪 😏 🥴 🤯 🥴 😏 🤪 😜😂 🧙‍♂️ 🤓 😎 🧘‍♂️

 

📢 "Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!" 💥🎉

~ Yours,
Guruji 🧙‍♂️😇📢

 

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