GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN

 

😎 🧙‍♂️😂 GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN & India’s Super News Show!” 😎 Funny Headlines ! 🎭 English Masala Edition 🌶️

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

I’m your Guruji – here to serve you the hottest news with a dash of humour! 😄

👓 Read it. 😂 Laugh it. 🗣️ Share it.! 🌶️📺

"Choose happiness today and every day"

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🌞 Guruji's Morning Bulletin 🌞 🎤 ☕😆

 

📰 India's economy resilient amidst global uncertainties: RBI Bulletin
💸 Guruji says: “Global storms outside… but inside India, GDP is doing Surya Namaskar! 🌍🧘‍♂️💰 Jai RBI-ananda!”

 

📰 9,800 millionaires to move to UAE in 2025; India to lose 3,500
💼 Guruji predicts: “Desi crorepatis flying to Dubai faster than samosas vanish at wedding buffet! 🇦🇪💨💸”

 

📰 ‘It was a great ride’: Shubhanshu Shukla's first message after lift-off
🚀 Guruji blesses: “Arrey wah! Some people go to the moon, I still get stuck in Poonamallee traffic! 🌝🛵😂”

 

📰 Illegal US entry means jail, deportation, visa ban: Embassy warns Indians
🗽 Guruji warns: “Trying shortcut to America? Uncle Sam will show you shortcut to jail! 🚓❌🧳”

 

📰 No Indian will ever forget how Constitution was violated: PM on Emergency
📜 Guruji reflects: “Constitution had more twists than a Tamil serial! But memory of Emergency? Still buffering… 🧠⏳📺”

 

📰 ‘Don’t ask permission to fly’: Tharoor’s reply to Kharge’s ‘Modi first’ jibe
🦅 Guruji chuckles: “When Tharoor talks, even dictionary asks for subtitles! 📖🗣️✈️”

 

📰 EC has become govt's puppet: Congress chief Kharge
🎭 Guruji smirks: “Puppet show continues… only strings missing are voters' trust! 🤹‍♂️🧵🗳️”

 

📰 New annual FASTag plan could bleed toll operators dry: Report
🚗 Guruji jokes: “Toll booths crying harder than bride’s relatives at wedding… ‘Ye paisa kahan gaya?’ 😢🪙🚧”

 

📰 FDI inflows rise to $8.8 billion in April; NRI deposit mobilisation slows
💰 Guruji notes: “Foreigners sending cash, NRIs holding back like my cousin with restaurant bill! 🍛💸🙈”

 

📰 We reinvest our business every 3–5 years; aim to become deep-tech co: Mukesh Ambani
📡 Guruji reacts: “Deep-tech or Deep-pocket? Ambani’s planning faster than my neighbour switching wives! 🤯📊💑”

 

📰 Overall situation rosier than expected… India in sweet spot: Swaminathan Aiyar
🌸 Guruji smiles: “Peace is blooming… but Guruji still waiting for petrol to come below ₹90! 🕊️⛽🍬”

 

📰 Indian bonds jump as traders lap up debt after Israel-Iran ceasefire
📈 Guruji explains: “War down, bonds up, traders dance like baraat DJs—'Debt ka DJ bajega!' 🕺💣📉📈”

 

📰 Family wakes up to surprise visitor in bedroom: A tiger
🐯 Guruji roars: “Tiger said: ‘Forget bed tea, I brought jungle juice!’ 🐾☕😱”

 

📰 US factories struggle to fill 400,000 open jobs
🏭 Guruji sighs: “So many jobs, so few takers… even America has ‘Help Wanted’ boards like Saravana Bhavan! 🍔👷‍♂️📋”

 

📣 Guruji’s closing wisdom:
“Millionaires move, tigers intrude, Ambani plans deep-tech… and I still wait for the milkman! 🥛😂”
📿 Stay tuned, stay laughing! Jai Comedy😄🙏🎬

Happy.. Happy.. Haha Happy! 😇🧘‍♂️😂

📢 "Stay informed, stay hilarious – Guruji guarantees no boredom!" 💥🎉

👉 Amazinglifeblog.com

Yours,

📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢

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