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GURUJI’s COMEDY NEWS BULLETIN

📣 Dear friends, 🤹‍♂️ 📢) 👓

😄 Guruji Comedy Bulletin 😄
🎤 With Breaking Laughs & Shocking Giggles!

👓 Read it. 😂 Laugh it. 🗣️ Share it.! 🌶️📺

"Choose happiness today and every day"

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🌍 World News, Local Laughter — Guruji Style! 🤣 📯☕ 🎙️

News 👓 🎭 📢)

🧨🇺🇸 “Trump drops bombs on Iran’s nuclear sites”
Guruji: “He said ‘peace talks’, but missiles said ‘Pakka fight!’ 😵💣
Trump is playing PUBG in real life! 👾🎮”

News 👓 🎭 📢)

🇺🇸🇮🇱💥 “US joins Israel to bomb 3 nuclear sites in Iran”
Guruji: “Global unity spotted! Not for peace, but for Boom Boom partnership! 😬👬💣
Next summit location: Volcano!” 🌋🤝

News 👓 🎭 📢)

😂🎖️ “Pakistan nominates Trump for 2026 Nobel Peace Prize”
Guruji: “Ayyo! Nobel Peace Prize for starting war? 😂
Next they'll give Best Chef award to the one who burned the kitchen!” 🍳🔥🏆

News 👓 🎭 📢)

📈🇮🇳 “India’s superpower dream needs more than GDP & missiles”
Guruji: “Correct! We also need Wi-Fi that works and roads without potholes! 😤📶🕳️
Superpower starts with super planning, not just rocket launching!” 🚀📉

News 👓 🎭 📢)

👰‍♀️🤵‍♂️ “Man weds son’s would-be bride, thrown out by panchayat”
Guruji: “Plot twist! Son invited for wedding... but as guest! 😳🍰
Kalyanam or Kalyaanam (disaster)? Confuse-a-thon 2025!” 🤯💍

News 👓 🎭 📢)

🧠📢 “Students must face shocking ideas to protect free speech: UK Regulator”
Guruji: “Yes, even if shocking idea is… ‘No marks for attendance!’ 😱📝
Guruji says – debate, don't detonate!” 💣🗣️

News 👓 🎭 📢)

🛂📲 “US resumes student visas with social media checks”
Guruji: “So, your Insta reels now part of your visa interview! 😬📱
'Why Harvard?' – 'Because my dance videos got 1M views, sir!' 💃🇺🇸😂”

News 👓 🎭 📢)

🧕🕵️‍♂️ “Khamenei fears assassination, names 3 successors”
Guruji: “Backup plan level: 3 in 1! 😮‍💨🪑
Iran’s got more backups than your Gmail!” 📬🔁

News 👓 🎭 📢)

💰📜 “Follow Chanakya Niti for your wallet, be set for life”
Guruji: “True! But first, follow your budget! 😝
Chanakya said ‘save money’ — not ‘buy online sale daily!’ 🛍️📉”

News 👓 🎭 📢)

📉💸 “Direct tax collection dips 1.39% to ₹4.59 lakh crore”
Guruji: “Even income tax got tired and said: ‘I need a break!’ 😩
Collections low… excuses high!” 🧾📉😅

News 👓 🎭 📢)

👵🧓 “Nitish hikes pension for widows, disabled & elderly by 3x”
Guruji: “At last! Some good news for our Dadi & Thatha Squad! 🙌❤️
Now they can afford chai, sweets… and some WhatsApp forwards too!” ☕🍪📲

🎤💥 Guruji concludes:
“In today’s world, peace is a rumour and marriage is a plot twist! 😂
Stay wise, stay safe — and remember: even breaking news needs a sense of humour! 🧠✨”

🌞🕺 GURUJI’S MORNING DURBAR COMEDY MESSAGES 🎭☕

🎤 “Ayyo! Sit down, sit down… Don’t stand like WiFi with no signal. Guruji is now online with morning mirattal!” 😂📡

💬 1. Morning Motivation 😂☀️
"Early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and cranky without coffee! ☕😵‍💫
So first… filter coffee, THEN philosophy!" 🤓🔥

💬 2. Fitness Advice 🧘‍♂️💪
"Doing yoga in the morning is great – until your bones start singing remix version of ‘crack-crack’! 🎶🦴
But keep going… even your joints are applauding you!" 😂👏

💬 3. News Flash (Guruji Style) 🗞️🤣
"Today’s breaking news: Government may increase tax on laziness! 😴💸
So move fast! Even your sofa is filing complaint – ‘This fellow is crushing me!’" 🛋️😭

💬 4. Relationship Gyaan 💘🤣
"If your partner is silent in the morning... don’t assume peace. 🫣
It’s the ‘calm before the sarcastic cyclone’! 😬🌪️
Brace yourself or offer tea as peace offering! ☕❤️"

💬 5. Tech Trouble Wisdom 📱🤖
"Morning alarm rang. You hit snooze. Alarm said, ‘This fellow is hopeless, I'm resigning!’ 📲🚨
Now you're late… and blaming poor phone like it's your ex!" 🤷‍♂️😂

💬 6. Guruji’s Thought of the Day 🧠🎉
"Life is like your bathroom tap – sometimes hot, sometimes cold…
But if you don’t test it first, it’ll BURN you! 🔥🚿
So handle everything slowly… and with towel of patience!" 🧖‍♂️🙏

🎭 GURUJI’s Blessings
"Go face the day like a lion 🦁… not like a lizard under tube light! 🦎💡
Smile, shine, and if anyone irritates you – just laugh like Guruji: ‘Hehehe... I’m too wise for your nonsense!’ 😎🎉"

Thanks for reading, 🚀 🌟 🌈🤗❤️

📘🖊️😄 “GuRuJi KaMaRaJ” 🎭👴✨ 😇📢

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